Making Peace

Living a truly healthy and abundant life is not just about eating healthy and exercising. A part that is often missed is the emotional part of our being. We tend to focus so much on the external things we can see in the mirror but often neglect what's within.

I have posted a few blogs about that subject so I won't get into it in this blog but I do have to stress the importance of examining your heart and intentions before starting a life transformation. As some of you may know from my other posts and from my personal story on my Facebook page I have endured some trying and VERY difficult issues in my marriage.

For years I held onto anger, resentment, shame and guilt for the things that happened. I held onto the pain of rejection and betrayal as I tried to recover from my husband's infidelity. I questioned my own worth as I tried to figure out how someone that was supposed to love, protect and support me could hurt me so badly.

I spent so many days, nights, months and years trapped between what I wished my life was and the reality of it after experiencing such a betrayal. I blamed myself, my husband, my parents and sometimes even God for the things that had occurred. I remained in a victim mentality for so many years and always struggled to find a sense of control over my life.

My emotions were constantly unstable and my faith was challenged. I wanted so badly to rebuild my life with my husband and create the family I didn't get to have as a child. I wanted better for my daughter and I fought day in and day out to change my husband.....to make him love me....to make him desire me.

Although we separated after the infidelity we still tried to remain in a relationship until I realized that I was not able to heal. The wounds had remained open because I wasn't dealing with the root cause of the affair. While many may think I am crazy I am confident in my beliefs. After 10 yrs of being tormented by the infidelity I realized that this was just a catalyst to catapult me to the place God created me to be.

The challenges in my life were just a way to build my character. The opposition was an opportunity to learn my true identity and worth. Although the infidelity left me feeling worthless and depleted God's love awakened me to unconditional love and abundance. Not only am I learning to love myself and accept myself for who God created me to be but I am also learning how to love and accept others.

The scars on my heart began to heal when I let love back in. When I began to understand just how much God loved me and desired for me to be free I was able to accept my past. Yes there may have been pain but it didn't define me. The rejection from my husband didn't mean I wasn't worthy. It meant that God loved me so much He chose me to endure this trial to awaken me and strengthen me.

I was not defeated and defenseless. I was not hopeless and unlovable. I am a precious gift from God. I was birthed through adversity. My struggles are not my story. They are a gift to other women that are going through and have gone through the same pain. My overcoming is a source of encouragement and inspiration.

That is the most amazing feeling to know that you are called and chosen. Not only did God create me for His glory but He has a specific plan for my life. Realizing this gave me sense of peace. I was able to accept all that I had gone through as I replaced every lie with God's truth.

Making peace with your past and those that hurt you often takes more than just a realization. It takes action. If you forgive someone you should be able to release the emotions and thoughts that have kept you bound. You should be able to heal the resentment and anger by loving that person unconditionally as God loves you. Understanding that they were also created with a plan and purpose helps you see them through the eyes of God.

Just as Judas was created to betray Jesus which ultimately lead to a promise being fulfilled so will people often be placed in your life. Had it not been for the betrayal Jesus would have not fulfilled His divine purpose. Had I not experienced the betrayal of my husband I could not fulfill my divine purpose. I would not be here right now speaking to you and ministering to people about God's love. I wouldn't have the passion to help inspire others to live a truly abundant life filled with all of God's promises as they walk in the fullness of their Being.

My belief is that forgiveness has the power to not only heal you but heal the other person. It helps you release the negative energy in your life that is brought about by resentment and anger and bring forth positive loving energy. It unlocks doors in your life that you never even knew were closed.

Since I understand the power of forgiveness that is what I did. I literally asked for my husband to forgive me. Yep you heard that right. Although he is the one that was the unfaithful one in the marriage I played my part. My holding onto resentment and anger and using my pain to manipulate him was my fault. I was out of character or my true nature when I stepped into my ego or flesh and partook of the insanity that is often caused by infidelity. I allowed my anger to keep him bound behind the bars of shame and guilt.

Fast forward to this day and I see how the act of forgiveness has empowered me to move forward in life. Although my husband and I are still not back together I am able to talk to him without feeling pain. He is going through a very trying time in his own personal life and has called me on several occasions for encouragement. I selflessly offer my love and support which is what you have to do when you love someone unconditionally.

We can't hold on to pain and expect to heal. We can't hold onto resentment and expect to be happy. It was an amazing feeling to see him yesterday after 1 1/2 yrs and be able to hug him and encourage him. My heart was not heavy. I didn't feel pain. I was genuinely just being the vessel that God called me to be.

Although he may not understand right now, my apology set the wheels in motion for his own healing. For several years I have wanted a sincere apology and recognition for all that he put me through. I have finally received them. I can now accept his apologies with a pure heart and allow him to fully heal from his own pain, shame and guilt.

This is what true relationships are all about...forgiving one another and accepting the other person for who they truly are. Seeing them with God goggles and loving them through their faults. No matter what the path may bring for my husband and I......I can honestly say that I only desire the best for him. I only want him to be all that God called him to be......NOT what I want him to be.